Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He did a backflip because drugs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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