It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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