Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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