i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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