I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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