Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
