I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He passed out mid-signature
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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