He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
