smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize