the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
