when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
