I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's great music for shaving your balls
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
