Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
