This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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