Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
