dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
