i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
