Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
