remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
