haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
