so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
