for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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