I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The air was thick with penises
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
