if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
