"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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