non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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