oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
