I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
