please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
