Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
