Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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