i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
