i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
