Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
