I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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