I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want nice things and good sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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