i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize