god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
