He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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