I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
