Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
