i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
