whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
