Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize