Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
