I wish I could teleport
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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