rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
