its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
