Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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