Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
