like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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