if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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