apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
