I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
