There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
