I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vodka?
Forever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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