so that wasnt chicken after all
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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