After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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