On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
