I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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