I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize