And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
