I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize