If that was your dad, he is hot
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
