When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
