Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
